Macam ni pulak saye rase,

wah wah wah hari ni sangat penat! langsung takde masa nak mengade ngade dengan sesape pun! harap maklum, saye busy dengan keje kayu saye lagipun -,- some said, "SPM lagi penting". ye betul, tapi ada orang buat saye marah ssgt, saye pun marah la sesangat sekarang ni! bukan sebab die kacau saye buat keje, die buat saye sakit hati bnyk bnyk!



*kepada readers, jgn la terasa diri anda yang telah menyemak dlm notis di atas :)

Easing

God, penatnye ;(

I would have babies, not with you.

Biasanya i always tell a friend of mine about you, sweet things about you though :) nothing bitter, and nothing too sour. but sour to me because you treat me like *h**, im sorry, but i felt so s**tted by you. but i dont know why i still like you, your AURA maybe? ada ke something like AURA ni? i guess AURA ni affected myself so much, you bnyk sakitkan hati i, tapi i know how to ease the hurt, by not contacting you.

terima kasih bebnyk kat you yang pamper i kekadang :) tapi rasa like i yang terhegeh-hegeh, i mean over-reacting ke? yea, over. when you pun tak ambil kisah, you ambil kisah kot -,- tapi tak mahu tunjuk. ego mungkin? i percaya egois tu wujud. tapi a friend of mine ada cakap ni.

FRIEND : mel, cuba you yang buat dia terhegeh-hegeh kat you. it seems fair to me.
MEL : idea yang menarik, tapi tak sampai hati, i love him :
FRIEND: if dia sampai hati buat u mcm tu, kenape you tk boleh? kan?
MEL : saye cuba ye friend.

ni, tgh tunjuk la ni yang saye kurang kisah pasal dia :) im trying, giving it till the maxx.
:(

Kakak act,

went to maktok's. i wore something that i really didnt wish to wear. forced? i dont think its a suitable word, i dont know how to describe. i wasnt ready. mama once said, " ni wajib dibuat, tak boleh ready or tak ready". so yea, thats true.

bm boleh?

so lame lame kemudian, mama dengar like bunyi kereta mak teh. then all of sudden, mama nak comment the shirt i wear, its not actually a shirt, a blue blouse. and bukan mak teh pun.

Mama: makteh nampak nanti, kang makteh bising.

Kakak: knape pulak? dah kira okay kot apa kakak pakai ni? semua nak dnga ckp dia, jgnlah kasi dia control life kakak, jgn jadi hypocryte sgt.

Kak Ngah: betul la tu ape mak teh tegur.

mama ajak ke depan, kak ngah bawak garnier punya facial wash. then i asked, nak buat facial ramai ramai ke? ohh tak, things get ugly.

Mama: kakak, betullah ape mak teh tegur tu, she cares about her niece, mcm mama tegur kak ngah jugak. *grabbed my hand.

And i felt like leaving, tapi i have to sit.Then mama dah start touch about dosa-dosa and about me being a big girl. man im 17 :) i started crying.

there are things i have to say but i didnt say a single word. *crying.

kakak memang salahkan mama sekarang ni. mama dulu takde nak ajar kakak benda benda ni semua, bila kakak pakai apa2 , you dont even care, bila dah besar panjang ni baru nak suruh pakai stokings, loose clothes, tudung that covers everything, its not like i didnt try, tapi tadi tu i tried, i tried to be open-minded and i listened to her advices. kak ngah kata take it slowly, one step at a time, tapi tngh one step la ni, mama bukannye boleh a step a time, mama nak sekali langkah besar. kak ngah tak tahu, mama pun tadi tak confess yang mama suruh mcm mcm sekali gus. kakak yang kena tanggung all this,kakak tahu semua orang pun kena buat benda yang sama and benda yang tak mendatangkan dosa, kakak boleh buat apa yang mama suruh, its just jgn push kakak, kakak pun bnyk fikir jugak, cuma tak bercerita, dah la kakak ni slow, nak fikir this and that, kakak tahu apa kakak buat sekarang ni, the thing is kakak memang dalam progress to change how i wear. mama tak nmpk semua tu, bukan nak tunjuk keras kepala kakak ni, i just know it, kakak pun ada time yang kakak tak nak orang control cara hidup kakak, kakak boleh rely on myself jugak. and kakak tak blame mama for this , cuma marah, sebab pasal orang yang lebih kuat agama sikit dari kita, nak kena rasa diperkecilkan. mama selalu ikutkan apa yang orang kata. tu yang kakak tak suka pasal mama, orang cakap semua betul ,and kalau dah dapat approval from diri mama, terus nak buat and expect kitorang buat benda yang sama. boleh ikut, tapi mengambil masa la, kakak dah tahu tanggungjawab kakak sekarang ni, jgn risau, kakak selalu ingt Allah. Sorry if kakak tak cakap apa apa dekat kak ngah or fawi after that, kakak rasa kena attack secara mengejut, kakak boleh ditegur tapi takes time to 'makan' those advices.

*thank you mama, kak ngah and fawi.